19 years old, amateur skateboarder turned amateur blogger. Music lover, amateur music producer. Ive skated since i was 7 years old until i had a stroke when i was sixteen. I live in medford oregon, but im from pennsylvania. Theres not much to me because skateboarding was everything and ever since i lost that my lifes been comparitively empty. But not only for loss of skateboarding, i can live without that, although i never would have thought so before, but theres so much more than just skating, overall its loss of independence thats the worst, i hate not being able to dress myself, or cook, or live in general. I want to be an entrepreneur, author, activist, environmentalist, politician. Im obsessed with politics but I have what i think is a really good business idea, and a couple ideas for books, one based on the interpretation of events in my life. but im not going into detail for fear of having my ideas stolen. Haha. I used to have alot of friends, but since a lot of them had to grow up and start life after high school, i now have a lot of people who say they are friends. Im pretty lonely but when i actually hang out with someone or do something i feel guilty or angry cuz in my mind i should be working out 24/7. I smile and laugh a lot, which i think people mistake for happiness which leads them to the incorrect conclusion that i am “strong”, but i hate it, i display emotions im not really feeling because i have pseudobulbar affect or PBA. It is caused by my stroke and despite my neurologist wanting to keep me on only one prescription medicine, im gonna puh for him to prescribe something to treat it next time i see him, recovering from a stroke is hard enough without spontaneous uncontrollable outbursts of laughing during therapy! That was a big problem at saras garden, the center for conductive education therapy and hyperbaric oxygen therapy, i go to. Its a hindrance and i cant stand it. I have no functional use of my left side, and no left peripheral vision so its really easy to sneak up on me. Although my quadrapalegic friend drives using hand controls, even if i had something rigged to drive with one hand, i couldnt get my license due to vision loss. My brain is just seriously compromised and i hate it. After my stroke i was in a coma for six weeks, i still remember the amazing dreams, music my mom played in my ear, lullabyes they played in the hospital when a baby was born, the sound of the machine that fed me, and even some things i heard nurses say. I would say the coma was the last time i was care free, but i was carefree the entire first year after my brain bleed cuz i underestimated what i was up against and thought full recovery was guaranteed cuz the doctors said so, but now it doesnt feel so guaranteed cuz i need so much more therapy its ridiculous, and insurance will never cover enough. Its this disappointment that leaves me so angry, hateful, and honestly terrified. I try to raise money for more therapy but the only reason i even got to saras garden for a month was becuz wendy and steve madden heard my story thru a mutual friend, felt compelled and paid for me to go for a month. That meant alot and it helped, but i need to be prepared for years of work, and although an abundance of money seems to fall from the sky for alot of people on these crowdfunding sites, it does not for me which only increases my jealousy tenfold, its bad enough i gotta watch all my friends grow up while i remain trapped, but now i gotta watch people raise 9 MILLION dollars for a game called exploding cats?! I need to figure somethin out cuz i need to be prepared for the long haul, and able to get all the therapy i need. This is written fairly sporadically and definitely not chronologically but whatever. Peace out yall✌️
en Route 