Where Have I Been?[Matt Hankey Stroke Recovery Update 2018-19]

Hello all, excuse my prolonged absence, but in case anyone is interested, I believe my last recovery update was about how my friend, Ann Ning, successfully found a trainer locally willing to help me recover from the disability caused by my stroke and even raised over $8K to help finance it!(fundraising is ongoing to cover the expenses of my recovery at The Magic Wand at shreddedgrace.com. The content of this blog has often been morbid, but training thrice weekly and making progress has done some to lift my spirits, so I’m trying to blog more.

In training, we’ve shifted focus from getting in the pool to working out in the gym, which has allowed us to focus on more functional goals, like bed mobility and strength. This shift has been necessary and beneficial to my recovery. I’ve learned several new functional movements in the gym thanks to working in a gravity bound environment instead of in the pool. I’ve also started going to vocational rehab, which specializes in finding employment opportunities for people with disabilities, and they are supporting and helping me to start a business that aims to improve quality of life among the disabled and their caregivers through the development and supply of assistive technologies and rehab equipment that increase the ability of the disabled to live independently. Movement has been slow on my business so far, mostly due to finding an original name and product designer, but now that I’ve come up with a name, things are poised to move forward in 2019 with product development and launch, which is exciting.

As you can hopefully tell, I stay busy(did I mention, I include an hourly workout routine at home on my days off?), but I will try to blog regularly. I hope you’ll be reading. This photo is one of myself pushing up into a seated position from side lying in the gym, I remember working on this and being unable to do it in 2013, so it took awhile, but thanks to the help of my trainer, I’ve gained enough strength to surpass this long awaited milestone this year.

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“Absolute Absence”(Poem)

With my right to self determination revoked, my happiness is on hiatus and I am relegated to a life that can no longer fulfill me. Death holds the mercy I seek,

Absolute absence.

Who but I?[Poem]

Who but I?

 Filled with naive optimism and youthful arrogance.

Stagnated their progression and postponed opportunity?

Just to be disappointed and distressed?

Agonizing to shuffle a foot forward in tardy progress.

Who but I?

In absence of wisdom, ignored invaluable advice?

Filled with naive optimism and youthful arrogance.

My mistakes in hindsight.

Agonizing to shuffle a foot forward in tardy progress.

I find myself stuck, sand burping below, sediment crumbles in my hand as I claw myself out of the abyss.

Who but I?

Progress

Hi there, long time, no blog, i know, I should’ve been blogging my recent journeys in pursuit of recovery. For about the past year, I’ve been training consistently in pool therapy 3 times a week and making progress, thanks to my friend, Ann, launching ShreddedGrace.com and finding my trainer, Diahanne, I can now walk in the pool and transfer myself onto my bed, among other improvements. But, I’m coming up on six years since the onset of my massive brain death, and life is frustrating, I don’t know what I’m passionate about anymore, but I’m plugging along, gritting my teeth through the infinite maelstrom of self criticisms that whirl through my mind. I’m making progress.

What is the first thing you think when you wake up?

I just woke up and the second I opened my eyes I thought in a sing song tone used most often for toddlers, “Wakey, wakeyy, I hate my lifeee…” Sometimes my first thought is “Kill me”, sometimes it’s, “I wish I was dead.”, but my waking thoughts are consistently and reliably awful, I don’t choose to feel like this, using my knowledge of neuroplasticity, I’ve determined the repitition of disappointment and frustration I suffer through over and over has rewired my brain to where the default position for me is miserable, helpless, frustrated. The plastic reorganization of my brain to constant depression happened over time through waking up to the same nightmare over and over. For example, it’s extremely dehumanizing to wake up and be unable to just get out of bed or even roll on your side, but I wake up like this everyday, the nightmare begins the second I wake up, and it is torture.

REVEALED: The Appeal of Donald Trump

Ever since American billionaire oligarch, Donald Trump launched announced his candidacy for the Republican presidential nominee he has been dismissed as an inviable candidate by all of the political pundits and much of the masses(myself included). But on the heels of several presidential primary wins, polls indicate that, if anything, it has become his race to lose, despite at least a dozen gaffs, one after the other was assumed to cause him to drop in the polls. But why is such an arguably bigoted and xenophobic candidate risen to the top of virtually all the polls in the Republican Presidential primary?

The answer lies in the things he says, the verbal diarrhea that seems to flow uncontrollably from his ever pouting lips and his perception as the uncorruptible candidate, uninfluenced by special interests and big money.
First, despite speaking at a fourth grade level, Trump is a genius at rhetoric, Raw Story reports, according to rhetoric professors, Donald Trump speaks in enthymemes, this means that he abruptly ends sentences and substitutes vague words in place of detailed policy descriptions. Psychologically, this forces the listener to convince themselves of what he believes. On top of that, what normally wouldn’t benefit a politician, is that he is wildly contradictory, he just says everything. For example, Donald Trump says we need to bomb the families of ISIS, but then says, let Putin fight ISIS in Syria, or the fact that he’s running as a Republican but says things liberals have been saying for years, like we never should’ve went into Iraq and spent the money on infrastructure instead. Contradictions don’t hurt with the average Republican base voter who isn’t into policy detail though. so because he just says everything, your average voter can project onto him whatever they want him to believe. It’s a recipe for disaster and it’s scary seeing an authoritarian like this possibly rising to power with control over the world’s largest military.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            t